Black Couples Counseling: Finding a Therapist Who Gets It

Dr. Bernadette P. Smith

1 day ago

7 min read

Black couples counseling is couples therapy that makes room for the whole of your relationship, including culture, family, faith, and the real-world stress of race. Many Black couples look for a therapist who shares or deeply understands their background so they can spend less time explaining and more time healing. At Aspen Counseling & Wellness, we offer culturally affirming couples and marriage counseling online to couples anywhere in Texas.

Key takeaways

Black couples counseling is couples therapy that takes your culture, history, and daily experiences seriously instead of treating them as side notes.
Research shows many clients, especially African American clients, prefer a therapist who shares their racial or ethnic background. Feeling understood matters.
Couples counseling can help with communication, trust, conflict, money stress, family pressure, and planning for marriage.
Online couples therapy is a real option. Early research suggests couples build just as strong a connection with their therapist over video.
Most insurance plans don't cover couples counseling on its own, but you have options. A free 15-minute consultation is a good place to start.

What is Black couples counseling?

Black couples counseling is relationship therapy where your therapist understands, or works hard to understand, how being Black in America shapes your relationship. It uses the same proven couples therapy tools as any other approach. The difference is that your culture is part of the conversation, not something you have to leave at the door.

That can mean talking openly about:

Family expectations, including extended family, "what Grandma would say," and roles you each grew up seeing.
Faith and community, and how they shape your values about marriage, conflict, and forgiveness.
Stress from outside the relationship, like discrimination at work or in your neighborhood, and how it follows you home.
Strengths, such as resilience, humor, chosen family, and the traditions you want to pass on.

Most couples therapy models were developed and tested mostly with white couples. Clinicians who work with Black couples have pointed out that many therapists were never trained to bring race and culture into the room (Cooper & Holmes, 2023). Culturally affirming counseling works to close that gap.

Do we need a Black therapist for couples counseling?

You don't have to have a Black therapist, but many couples feel more at ease with one, and that comfort matters. What matters most is a therapist you both trust, who respects your culture and has real couples therapy training.

A large research review of mental health services found that clients, on average, prefer a therapist of their own race or ethnicity and tend to rate those therapists a bit more positively. Studies with African American participants showed the strongest preferences (Cabral & Smith, 2011). The same review found that matching alone made only a small difference in treatment results. In other words, feeling seen helps you walk in the door and open up. Skill and a strong connection with your therapist do the rest.

So it's okay to ask for what you want. If having a Black therapist would help you both feel safe, say so. Our team includes Black clinicians, and we'll help you find a good fit.

What can couples counseling help with?

Couples counseling can help with almost any pattern that keeps you stuck, whether you've been together for one year or twenty. You don't have to wait for a crisis.

Common reasons couples reach out include:

Arguments that go in circles or end in silence
Rebuilding trust after a betrayal
Feeling more like roommates than partners
Money stress and different spending habits
Parenting, blended families, and in-law boundaries
Big life changes like a move, a new baby, a job loss, or grief
Premarital counseling before you say "I do"

Stress from outside the home can show up inside it, too. One study of African American couples found that partners who faced more racial discrimination also reported more strain in their relationships, even after accounting for money stress (Lavner et al., 2018). A culturally affirming therapist can help you name that stress together, so it doesn't turn you against each other.

What happens in couples counseling?

In couples counseling, a licensed therapist helps you both understand your patterns and practice new ways to talk, listen, and repair. Sessions are usually 50 to 60 minutes, and you meet together. Sometimes a therapist may also meet with each partner separately.

Here's what the first few sessions often look like:

Getting to know you. Your therapist asks about your history, what's working, and what brought you in.
Setting goals. You decide together what "better" would look like for your relationship.
Learning tools. You practice skills in session, like slowing down a hard conversation or making a repair after a fight.
Practicing at home. Small, doable assignments help the work stick between sessions.

Our clinicians draw on proven approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Gottman-informed relationship tools. The Gottman Method, for example, is backed by outcome studies, including randomized trials, that report less conflict and better intimacy for many couples (The Gottman Institute). We use these tools in a way that fits your culture and values, not the other way around.

Try this: the 10-minute weekly check-in

Once a week, sit down together for 10 minutes with phones away. Each person answers three questions while the other just listens:

1. What's one thing you appreciated about me this week?

2. What's one thing that felt hard for you this week?

3. What's one small thing I could do next week that would help?

Don't solve or defend. Just say "Thank you for telling me." Small, steady check-ins build trust over time.

Does online couples counseling work?

Yes, for many couples online counseling is a good fit. In a small study that randomly assigned couples to video or in-person sessions, couples felt just as connected to their therapist over video, and both groups improved in relationship satisfaction (Kysely et al., 2022).

Online sessions can also make therapy easier to keep up with. There's no drive across Houston traffic, no childcare scramble for a commute, and you can join from home, whether you live in Pearland, Dallas, or a small town hours from the nearest therapist's office.

Aspen offers couples counseling by secure video to couples anywhere in Texas. Both partners need to be in Texas during sessions. You can join from the same couch or, if needed, from two different places.

Is couples counseling covered by insurance in Texas?

Usually not on its own. Most insurance plans only pay for therapy that treats a diagnosed mental health condition, and relationship concerns by themselves often don't meet that standard. We explain why, and what your options are, in The Truth About Insurance and Couples Counseling in Texas.

Options can include private pay, using HSA or FSA funds, or asking for a receipt (called a superbill) you can send to your insurance for possible out-of-network reimbursement. See our fees and insurance page for current details, or ask during your free consultation.

How do we find the right couples therapist?

The right therapist is someone you both feel safe with, who has couples training, and who respects your culture and values. A short consultation call is the easiest way to find out.

Questions to ask in a consultation:

How much of your work is with couples?
What approach do you use, and what does a typical session look like?
How do you bring culture, faith, and family into couples work?
How do you make sure both of us feel heard?
What should we expect in the first month?

It's okay if one partner is more ready than the other. Many couples start with one person feeling unsure. A good therapist will make room for both of you.

When to reach out for support

It may help to talk with a couples therapist if:

The same fight keeps coming back, and nothing changes.
You feel lonely or disconnected even when you're together.
Trust has been broken, and you're not sure how to rebuild it.
Stress from work, family, or the world is spilling into your relationship.
You're planning to marry and want a strong start.

A note on safety: If you feel afraid of your partner, or there is physical violence, threats, or control in your relationship, joint couples counseling may not be the right first step. You deserve support that keeps you safe. You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. If you're in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or call 911.

How Aspen Counseling & Wellness can help

Aspen Counseling & Wellness is a telemental health group practice serving individuals, couples, and families throughout Texas. Our team includes Black and Hispanic clinicians, and culturally affirming care is at the center of how we work. We offer couples, marriage, and premarital counseling by secure video, so you can get support wherever you are.

We have several therapists such as Kolin Justice, James Greathouse, Calvasha Summers, and Enjalica Bryant who offer couples counseling.

Learn more about our couples therapy services.
Read about therapy with a Black therapist in Texas.
Meet our team.

Ready to talk? Book a free 15-minute consultation to ask questions and see if we're the right fit for you both.

Frequently asked questions

Do I need a Black therapist for couples counseling?

No, but many Black couples feel more comfortable with one, and research shows that preference is common. The most important things are a therapist you both trust, real couples training, and respect for your culture. You can ask for a Black therapist when you reach out.

Can we do couples therapy online if we live in different Texas cities?

Yes. As long as both partners are in Texas during sessions, you can join by secure video from the same room or from different places. This can be helpful for busy schedules, long commutes, or long-distance relationships.

Is premarital counseling different from couples counseling?

Premarital counseling is a type of couples counseling for partners planning to marry. It focuses on building skills early, like talking about money, family roles, conflict, faith, and future goals, before problems grow.

How long does couples counseling take?

It depends on your goals. Some couples come for a few months to work on one issue, while others stay longer to work through deeper patterns. Your therapist will check in with you about progress along the way.

What if my partner doesn't want to go to couples counseling?

That's common. You can start by booking a free consultation and asking questions together, which can feel less intimidating. Some people also begin with individual therapy to work on their part of the relationship.

Sources

Cabral, R. R., & Smith, T. B. (2011). Racial/ethnic matching of clients and therapists in mental health services: A meta-analytic review of preferences, perceptions, and outcomes. Journal of Counseling Psychology. https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/facpub/80
Cooper, Y., & Holmes, E. (Eds.). (2023). Black Couples Therapy: Clinical Theory and Practice. Cambridge University Press. https://www.cambridge.org/core/product/identifier/9781009205665/type/book
Kysely, A., Bishop, B., Kane, R. T., McDevitt, M., De Palma, M., & Rooney, R. (2022). Couples therapy delivered through videoconferencing: Effects on relationship outcomes, mental health and the therapeutic alliance. Frontiers in Psychology, 12. https://doaj.org/article/873a6554fb4840ff9388a65edc378995
Lavner, J. A., Barton, A. W., Bryant, C. M., & Beach, S. R. H. (2018). Racial discrimination and relationship functioning among African American couples. Journal of Family Psychology, 32(5), 686–691. https://experts.illinois.edu/en/publications/racial-discrimination-and-relationship-functioning-among-african-/
The Gottman Institute. The effectiveness of the Gottman Method. https://www.gottman.com/about/research/effectiveness-of-gottman-method/

This article is for educational purposes and isn't a substitute for professional care.